Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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