so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
