On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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