I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
