Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
