If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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