help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
