let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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