I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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