you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
