we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
