I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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