Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
