I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
