you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
