you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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