Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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