i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
