Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
