meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
