the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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