he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
