I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
