from now on my penis is your penis
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
