doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
