one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
