My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
