I just pynch a tree in the face
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
