I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize