WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
