Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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