didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
