On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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