jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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