He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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