there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize