he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
