I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
