i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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