i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
