Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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