Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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