Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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