As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
