So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
