I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
