you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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