Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
