She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize