I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
