The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
