my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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