He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
