I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
