Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
