Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize