porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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