Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
