they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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