i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
