the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
