I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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