yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
