Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
