Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
