apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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