So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And then he peed in my hair
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