Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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