That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
