maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize