I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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