she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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